Couples love to do everything together… including rehab. The number of couples searching for drug rehab stays consistent, as thousands are looking to get clean and beat their addiction problems. The reality is that couples drug rehab may not be an option, especially since addiction has thrived under the relationship.
You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else
Imagine you are on a plane and the oxygen masks come down. The first rule is that you put your own mask on before you try to help the person next to you. Why? Because you can’t help them if you pass out. Think also of the rules they have about saving someone who is drowning. You are told that the drowning person may panic and drag you down with them. This is why so many rehabilitation centers recommend a temporary separation for couples in order to get clean. Get your house in order, then you can help your significant other.
A bad Influence can drag you down with it
Think of a diet, but a diet a couple is on together. Now, one of the members of the couple has had a long day and they are tired. They decide that they are too worn out to cook and not interested in anything healthy, so they order a pizza. The other person gets home, and they smell that delicious pizza. They basically can’t resist it and they dive right in. See how simple it is for one person to destroy the progress of another?
You need a break – from life, and your significant other
Again, when someone is trying to improve themselves, they usually cannot make those improvements without focusing entirely on themselves. Why do people go to rehab in the first place? It’s a break from our lives and our routines. It’s a break that allows us to start over again. How are you supposed to start over if your relationship feeds your addiction? Being apart from all of your triggers, including people you used with, helps protect your early recovery gains.
Couples rehab makes relapse is easier
The need to use drugs or grab a drink is just as urgent as eating that hot pizza after you haven’t had anything else to eat all day and you’ve been dieting for weeks. It’s something that you cannot get away from and any small excuse could create a relapse. Couples relapse more often because it’s so difficult to talk yourself out of using if you’re an addict, let alone talk someone else out of using.
A lack of trust
An inability to trust can be the enemy of the relationship where addiction is involved. Every time your partner goes to the bathroom, is late getting home from work, out with friends or staying home, they could be using and you may not even know it. That makes trusting the person you are with even more difficult and can damage any relationship.
Inability to support each other
One of the key elements people need to stay clean after rehab is a strong support group of family and friends. When you are dating an addict, they need your support yet they do not have the ability to offer you theirs right now. If both of you are struggling with addiction, neither one of you can help the other.
The longer you try to make things work, the longer it will take you to realize that the opposite is actually happening. Unfortunately, it is unlikely that your relationship will be able to work out unless you both commit to staying clean. This is something you should talk about more with your therapist. They can help you gain a better understanding of your addiction and how your relationship fits into it.
How To Keep Making Progress
You have made progress in understanding that your relationship may be the very crutch that is keeping your addiction going. The two of you realize that this co-dependency needs to stop and there are some things you can do to make it stop. Remember, this isn’t a sign of a lack of love, it is a sign that you both need help. Begin here and focus on your individual health and happiness, it is not selfish and it will help your partner as much as it will help you:
- Separate: This is a problem you have to fix yourself. You cannot commit to someone when the person you are right now needs work. Their struggles will be yours and vice versa. You cannot be the anchor that keeps them from getting healthier, either. They have to get clean for themselves, just as you do for yourself. Relationships can be prioritized later.
- Unplug: Get away from the routines, social media, the same circle of people and take a break from all of it. Go out? You have seven streaming devices on your television. Take this time to binge watch some shows and take a break from the rest of the world.
- Get busy: Your free time is when your mind play tricks on you. It will try to tell you that you need to reward yourself. Or it will say that you need to set goals that allow you to go back to your old habits. The fact is that, in early sobriety, you cannot allow yourself much free time. You need to stay busy… in fact, many addicts work two jobs or take up a big hobby or project because it distracts them and keeps them on the right path.
- Be patient: Maybe one day you and your partner will reunite. It is not impossible. Once you have some clean time under your belt, the two of you may have the strength to remain clean together. Again, the numbers may not always support that, but nothing is impossible If you both put the work in, separately and together, you and your partner can beat the odds and become a success story.
Being Clean is a Commitment Only You Can Make
Sobriety is a commitment that you have to make each day, much like the love a relationship requires. You have to take it one day at a time and commit to being healthy, for yourself. It may sound selfish, but it is not. This is a problem that only you can fix, but anyone can destroy.
That’s why you have to separate, unplug. and take a break from your current life, with all its mistakes, excuses, triggers and crutches, and allow yourself the chance to start clean.
The same goes for the person you are with: They need the same help you do. With treatment and a desire to get clean, you can both break the chains of this disease.
